to update ( slightly)

I had an incredibly excellent Spring Break! I went out every day except Easter Sunday ( for obvious reasons) and attented every party/ event/ and gathering that I had intended to. I was sick for a large part of the week, unfortunately, but I didnt let that inhibit me much. Perhaps If I had I would be less sick now, but who wants to live in the future? Speaking of which, I should be getting rather scared at the prospect of graduating, but really, at the moment, it is the farthest thing from my mind. I am way too preoccupied with having a good time. Again, this may prove to be a mistake sometime, but right now i could care less. My mom gave me this huge lecture this morning about how im going to amount to nothing because socializing is my first priority. At least I do nothing to deny it. Its not like im trying to hide the fact that I am a huge slacker/bum who only cares about friends. I think there are way worse things to care about , really. What do you think? Is it better to be so success and career driven that you forget about the important things in life, but you will be well off in the future? or would you rather spend what are supposed to be the best years of your life spending time with the people who make you laugh, cry, smile... and the people you want to spend every minute of the day with because you know there is nothing that could possibly be better.

Really, I dont know where I'm going with this post. Im not reminiscent, exactly, more wistful, i suppose. I really like the here and now, and I wish more people would appreciate their own. Everyone gets caught up in all the craziness that we deal with every day, whether its real hardcore problems or the latest scandal, and we forget all the little things that make us happy. What makes you happiest?

Me? Sports? Surely You Jest!

But its true! yesterday i joined the girls' rugby team at school! I had my first practice yesterday afternoon, which was tres intimidating because they basically threw me the ball and told me to get in the game. Keep in my mind I know none of the concepts or rules, and had NEVER PLAYED IN MY LIFE! We ran a few laps around the field at first, and I didnt get tired or too out of breath or anything, which is good. Then we did some drills, which i think i caught on to quickly. Its hard though, because it was my first day and the rest of the team had already been practicing for two months. I had a lot of fun though! its exhilirating really, running around a field and beating the crap out of each other :P I made a lot of mistakes, unfortunately, because the rules are ridiculous from time to time.

But what is insanely cool, is my JERSEY! I wore last night and I'm wearing it all day today! it is the coolest thing ever and has 8 on the back, which just happens to be my lucky number. Oh, also, for those that know rugby, my position is " prop" but I dont even know what that means yet.
This morning i woke up and was sore. Some of my muscles are like, what the duece? youve never used me before, why start now? But i suppose i'll get conditioned to it real quick. Especially if I force Marcus to train me over Spring Break, which i'm hoping to do.

So thats all my news.. nothing else is really interesting or cool. But weve got Spring Break party coming up, which shall be tres excellent, although a few people cant make it.

A survey that I would like people to read.

I AM: singing
I WILL ALWAYS: be singing
I MISS: my dad, and the way grass smells in Alberta
I SMELL: the pasta from downstairs
I CRAVE: feeling loved
I WORRY: that I'm not as good as I think I am
I REGRET: more than you know
I LOVE: my friends more than anything and anyone
I DANCE: like a mad fool, and whenever possible
I SING: loudly.
I CANT STAND: excessive swearing.
I LOST: my mind quite some time ago :P
I LIKE:watching romantic comedies, even though they are lame
I LISTEN: to people more than they think I do. Ask me a question about something you told me and I will probably know the answer.
I CAN BE FOUND: in the middle of the throng of people
I NEED: to be in control (but we all knew that)
I KNOW THAT:
I HOPE: i can get into CCPA next year..
I WANT: Something that I know I can never have.. most people know what I mean by that.
I AM ALWAYS: paying attention to details
I CRY: in movies, but never in real life
I FELL: and I wont again
I WILL: never give up
I WONT: let other people tell me how I should be
I THINK: the unwritten rules of society are ridiculous
I SHOULD: work harder
I COULD: never be a hermit
I WOULD: give my kidney if someone needed it
I DIDNT: stand up for myself when I was a kid
I LOOK: much less attractive then I would like
I HEAR: the rain
I HURT: people without meaning to. ( and I apologize)
I HATE: feeling helpless
I FEAR: nearly everything.
I DONT: like my sister right now. ( or ever)
I FEEL: tired.
I CARE: even when it seems like I dont.
I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO: make people laugh. .
I HIDE: in my room when my family is home
I WRITE: in my journal.
I PLAY: the piano sometimes, but not very well.
I LEARN: that the more I know, the more I realize i dont know.
I WILL BE: famous
I SAY: too much
I DONT THINK: enough
I LOVE TO: gaze at the stars when its clear out
I ALWAYS: like to have the last word.
I HAVE: unusual dreams
I BELIEVE: anything is possible
I AM: looking forward to Spring break!
I NEVER: thought I would turn out the way I did.
I WISH: I had a different family

So i think i will stop blogging temporarily.. It seems to have been the short lived fad of the year. Much like bell bottoms in the 70's, Pet rocks in the 80's, or Pogs in the 90's. Anyways, if anything earth shattering happens I might write about it, but checking less often would be wise.

Cataclysmic is my word of the day.

Does anyone else find it extraordinarily awkward to talk to relatives on the phone, or am I just a lunatic? i HATE talking on the phone. It always feels like i'm auditioning for something, its weird. I end up talking fast, and not making much sense, and i get really on edge. Which is ultra strange, because I have no problem talking normally in any other social situation.
Why did this come up? Well, my dad calls me every Sunday, and its always kind of odd. Whenever i tell someone that I feel weird talking to my dad, they dont get it. Theyre like, its your DAD why would the conversation be weird? But it just is. the conversation is always fairly stilted. Like, I say what I did that weekend, and how my grades are, and what i've been doing in choir and theatre and stuff. And then he tells me how Panzer is doing, and what he's been up to, and then we compare weather. im not even joking, we talk about the weather. And I dont even go into depth about anything thats going on with me. Like if I was having a fight with one of my friends, he would never know about it. Does anyone else have that problem?

And then this mornin g i woke up to a message on the phone from my Grampa Harvey from the mainland. I dont think ive talked to him on the phone since I was 10. I send him a letter abotu once a year and then he'll send me one back, maybe with a cheque in it. So anyways, he called this morning and I completely neglected to call him. I told myself it was because I had things to do, but i didnt really. Then when my sister came home she checked the messages and called him back right away. I feel like a bad person. But its not like i dont want to talk to him or anything. I just dont want to do it over the phone. I DID talk to him when my sister called though. I guess he doesnt like the phone much either because after 5 minutes he said he had to go do some stuff and hung up. My family is strange.

So this weekend was boring. My mom actually let me go out on Friday to Lauras for some reason.. I guess she figures its my second home or something, and my grounding extends to over there too. maybe she just grounds me because its easier than having to drive me all over the place on Saturday nights. Either way, i got to go, and mel went too. Alleah was going to come but ditched it in favour of drinking at B-rads party. Me and Laura really wanted to learn some new music in three part though, because we hadnt in a while, so we did Rockin Robin, Blue Moon, part of Its Only a Paper Moon, and part of Lollipop ( which sucked) with Mel singing the third part. It was tres fun, and we sounded pretty good. Mel isnt really used to learning harmony like that though, so it was slow going at first. I think shes got the hang of it now.
So we both slept over and hung out until 2 the next day, when my mom came to pick me up so we could go to the mall, where I bought a new choir outfit, because my old one is gross.
Saturday night and all of today have been pretty dull, so I wont go into detail. Also, i have to go take out the garbage.
Ciao!

At An Impasse

Does anyone else feel like nothing is happening around here? I mean, today was the most boring day ive had in a very long time. Even when something is going on, it seems dulled somehow. I dont expect this to make sense, i dont get it myself. Its like our moving world suddenly stopped... and is at a standstill, or at least moving incredibly slowly. I dont know, even the air feels stale. Maybe its just me, but some great change has got to be around the corner. Can anyone feel that besides me? That little non existent current that tells you somethings coming? I think I sound crazy.

Also, it feels like something is.. missing. I cant for the life of me figure out what it is.

I sure hope i'm right, though, about the something coming thing. I cant stand this boring, this nothing. Ive gotten so used to our kind of crowd, where there's a new scandal every week, which gives the masses something to talk about. But theres some sort of lull in the going-ons.

anyways, i had a great weekend despite the fog of lethargy settling over everyone.
Friday night I went over to Lauras house around 6 to hang out with her and Tim. It was fun, talking the two of them. We pretty much just hung out and chatted, and we also showed Tim "Teen Girl Squad' on homestar, and he nearly busted a gut laughing so hard, as everyone should. Then, Lauras mom came home and told us she had won 1000 bucks on this lottery at work, so she took us out to dinner at Fast Eddies. Dinner was good, and we sang loudly to the tunes on the jukebox.

Saturday was Marthas party, but that wasnt going to be until late in the eveing, so I had nothing to do. Luckily, gareth called me up and said, hey, some people are going to the mall, come with. ( except not exactly in those words, im sure) So around 2 my mom drove me to the mall, and I met up with Gareth, Kevin, Stef, Rosie, and Mel at the waterclock. WE wasted about three hours being mallrats: buying stuff we didnt need, eating at the foodcourt, getting pictured taken in the booth. Good times, man. Oh, in Toys R Us, me, Stef, and Rosie found these "formal funk" boy Bratz and decided to find ourselves some prom dates, because we are just that cool. gareth and kevin are lame, however, and didnt want to join in the fun. This actually reminded me, is anyone else interested in doing the Elusive Easter bunny? This was originally Awesome Squads Spring idea of a secret Santa, but we decided to include anyone who wanted in on it. Basically, its anywhere from 10-20 bucks, but you have to buy a toy because.. well, im not sure why, we just decided that. We'll be exchanging on the day of me and Lauras spring break party, the day of which is still to be announced.

People involved in EEB ( elusive easter bunny) so far):
me
Megs
Stef
Kevin
Gareth
Glenn
Martha
Laura B
Tim
Mel
Rosie
Talissa

and I think thats it at the moment.. but if you want in, just let me know, because i think we should draw names fairly soon.

but on the original subject, after the mall, Me, Gareth, and Stef took the bus up to Lantzville to Marthas party. It was mostly AS, with some other friends of ours, and then some Woodlands people (Amy, Russell, and Liam) . We listened to music, played foosball. i lost miserably to Liam because i am so utterly inept, but then beat Stef, Megs, and kevin, because they are even worse then I am! ( which is a feat and a half). Most people left around 11, and then it was just AS - Gareth and Glenn, hanging around talking abotu stuff. Venting about everything under the sun, really.
Then me and Stefanie slept over at Marthas and girl talked for a while.
In the morning we made pancakes and Martha made a song. I dont really know why.
My mom picked me up at 12 and then a bunch of boring stuff happened 9 blah blah blah) until i went to the Oscar Party at 3.
There was only about 6 or 8 of us, but we had a grand time anyways. All the girls dressed up ( the guys didnt cause they are le suck) and we were so pretty! The Oscars themselves were rather lame, because I hadnt seen very many of the movies, and Chris Rock was rather sub par as host, unfortunately. But mocking everything ( especially Beyonce) was most excellent!
on Monday school was school, and I went to Dover with Gareth. Its so funny how people dont even look twice when we go there now. Its jst generally accepted that Brianna and Gareth are always around at Dover. I finally got my stupid CAPP hour form signed by Mr A, and i hung around with all my buddies ( or at least most of them) but shoot, im going to have to go back one of these days to get my prom ticket with Marcus.
On Monday when i came home my mom casually asked where I had been ( i was supposed to be hanging out with Laura in D block/ after school) and for some reason i didnt say I was with Gareth instead ( which was the truth, and perfectly reasonable) and my mom was like, thats a lie! Laura called 20 minutes ago! So then she grounded me for a week. Well, she said I could got to the plans I had for Tuesday, but then I would be grounded for a week after that! how much does THAT suck?? it means I cant have a games night this friday, and more importantly, i cant go to Megs b-day on Saturday! :( :( I was looking so forward to that too.. And whats worse, is i happen to be grounded precisely the same week that is the MOST BORING!! Arg....

enough complaining on that though. Tuesday was as boring as anything, just another school day that i tried to get through without falling asleep. When i came home things picked up a little though. I got back from choir about quarter to five to find my sister LOCKED IN THE BATHROOM! it turned out she had been stuck there for two and a half hours! and while I could understand her distress in such a situation, i also very much appreciated the humour, and laughed like a mad fool. Around 5:30, my mom came home and we left to pick up Laura and go to Tims house, where we were going to watch The Notebook, because i really liked it, and Tim and Stephen hadnt seen it. Tuesday night was fun! we ordered pizza, and watched the movie, and tlaked and laughed, and danced to bad music. But then it was 9:30, and I remembered it was only Tuesday, and we had to leave, what a bummer.

So thats my summed up week, i hope i didnt accidentaly bored you to death!