Brianna wins 'em all

Is this the documentation of the adventures of the great and mysterious ( and often hilarious) Dr Smooth? Or just the incessant ramblings of the 19 year old drama queen Brianna Akins? only a true mastermind can decipher the truth!

Monday, January 29, 2007

You know whatI realized today?

Nobody cares. Honestly. Nobody cares about anything.

Actually, scratch that. People care about one thing. Themselves.

It doesnt matter if someone asks you to do something, be somewhere... it doesnt matter if you could help someone out, it doesnt matter if for one goddamned second you consider someone else before yourself. Im so tired of it.

Im tired because every day I am caring.

If anyone asks me to be somewhere to support them, im there. If I tell someone I will be there, nothing is going to stop me. If anyone needs help, if anyone needs to borrow something, i give it to them. If someone is hungry, I feed them. If someone asks me a favour, I will do it. It doesnt matter if every hour in my day is full I will do anything to help someone if they ask for it.
Its not like im saying im perfect. Everyone slips up now and then. Everyone is selfish now and then.

Maybe im crazy. Maybe in this world, we have to look out for ourselves, because we know no one else is going to. Whatever. Im sick of giving in a world that refuses to give back.



( and no, im not targeting this at anyone, friends of mine who read this: Dont think im blaming you guys, or anything. I love you all, truly. Just sometimes, you have to rant. )

Monday, January 15, 2007

Everything Looks Perfect From Far Away

I had a weird dream last night.

I was in this big old house, staying with relatives of mine ( this house doesnt actually exist, it just did in my dream), and for some reason I went down to the basement. This basement seemed normal, and was absolutely covered in stuff. But as you went in, you realized that it actually didnt end, and you could keep going around corners to find new spaces full of new thingsThere were bookshelves stuffed full of books and things that were arranged to form tunnels, and piles of newspapers, and gadgets, and stuffed animals, and mirrors, and furniture, and all kind of weird objects like globes and board games.. almost everything you could think of. So I went exploring deeper and deeper into this strange basement, and sooner or later I realized that there was someone - or something - in the basement with me. I also had taken so many twists and turns that I couldnt figure out how to get back, so I just kept going in random directions to get away from whatever was following me ( it was one of those things were it doesnt ever show, but you KNOW whats following you isnt exactly benign). The basement kept going on forever, but finally, i found a door. I figured this must be a door to the outside, so I went through it, turned around, and locked it behind me. Then i looked around and realized i was in a hallway full of doors. Not wanting to go back through the door I just came in through, i opened the first door on the left, and went in. I found myself in a nursery room, where all of the toys and cradle were ten times bigger than me. I looked up, and there was a big glass window, and through it three scientists were peering in, and scribbling things down in notebooks. I quickly exited that room, and went to the door directly opposite of it. Inside was a pink grassy field with a green sky.
It turned otu that all these doors were entrances to these weird bizzaro worlds. The last one I went to before I woke up was this world full of seemingly normal people, but they all had a freakish obsession with umbrellas. Like, everyone had umbrellas on them at all times, and wallpaper always had umbrellas on them, and there were as many umbrella stores as Vancouver had starbucks.. and they had these umbrella ceremonies and dances. The people were very hostile towards me until i bought myself an umbrella...

Anyways, thats all I remember, but it was a very odd dream.

I woke up to the sound of Silent Night playing on a piano. I listned to it for a few seconds, and then what sounded like a little boy singing along. I wondered why Jill would be listening to some weird recording of Silent night.. until I remembered that Jill has a morning class, and wasnt home. It is at this moment I should point out that not in the 8 months of living here have I ever once heard my neighbours below or beside me. No tv, no music, no talking, no walking, no nothing. So if it was them playing and singing, they would have to be doing it rpetty loudly. And it wasnt muffled either, like sounds coming through walls. I could hear every word. So I started walking around my apartment, checking every thing that makes noise. Nothing. Then the song changed, to Colors of the Wind. I put my ear to the wall with neighbours on the other side, it wasnt coming from there. I put my ear to the floor. It wasnt coming from there. I walked out the front and back doors. I couldnt hear it at all outside. No matter which room I walked into, the volume was the same. And then, as abruptly as it started, it stopped.
I honestly couldnt find any explanation for this whatsoever. I was tempted to ask my neighbours if they were playing anythign.. but I was too afraid that the answer would be no.

WEnt to school today, for acting. Spent a slightly boring, but interesting class discussing characters from Problem Child by George Walker and their motivations. Ross gave us the script to Tough! Me, jill, and SPencer are going to put it on as lunchtime theatre hopefully in April. If we can, i'd like to do one evening show too, so that more people can go. Plus, its a little long for lunchtime. Im really excited to do it though, cause its funny, and dramatic. Lisa M is going to direct, Tasia is going to do props and set, but we still need an SM, and I need to ask Kylan and Jordan if they'll do light and sound for us.

In other news, Karate is amazing. I'm having so much fun!! and Im so happy that Lisa is in it with me. Its a lot of hard exercise, but i know its going to be so worth it in the end. Plus I just love fighting, and apparently im rather good at it too!! PLus, were learning a lot of really useful things just in case someone attacks you. Weve only had two classes so far, so maybe its too early to judge.. but right now im really really excited about it.

Oh, also, an announcement:

Mermaid Mugs, discovered by Miss Lisa Mennell and Jill Marsh, is the coolest place ever.
Its this cafe on Wesley, across from Delicados. We went today after school with Tasia, and hasd the MOST delicious paninis, and glorious coffee! The whole place is decked out in sea themed stuff, like nets, and buoys, and mermaids, and all kinds of stuff. Its quite tacky, but in a good way. And Heres the best Part; Mondays and fridays are Karaoke nights, Wednesdays are poetry slam, acoustic jam sessions, and SUndays are random movie nights with free popcorn!

This friday and SUnday we are SO planning on going, so come with us!

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Had We But World Enough and Time

I just finished reading the Time Travellers Wife for the second time.

Do you ever finish reading a really amazing book, or watch an extremely powerful movie, or listen to a beautiful song, and then dont know what to do with yourself because nothign could possibly ever be as amazing, or powerful, or beautiful as what you were just doing?

Its such a wonderful, and yet, despairing feeling.

Anyways, life has been mostly good. The rest of my break has been spent forgetting christmas, working hard, and excessively drinking and smoking pot. Good for me.

This past week ive been trying extremely hard to stay home and do nothing. Not because i WANT to spend less time with my friends, but because I know if I dont, I will burn out. However, even in trying, i didnt succeed. Every day I made no plans, plans would find me. Im not really complaining, Ive been having fun times, as usual.

New years was suprisingly good. I spent the evening with one of my other groups of friends, although I really wanted to do was come home and sleep. But im glad I didnt, because I had a really good time! I was with my more normal friends, who dont exactly like to dance and party like we do... but, we put on much more, which was playing top 50 guilty pleasures, and we sang and danced a little, and drunk like sailors, and we rang in the new years just like everyone should!

So, in conclusion of this mostly vague and boring post, is some New years Resolutions:

1) Learn karate

2) take dance

3) slow down a bit and clear the calendar; take some time for myself

4) Start saying no every once in a while

5) dont worry so much if things dont go according to plan

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Dont you hate it when someone else's decision affects your life in a big way?